this little baby is smiling a lot! he did a great job and found around 250,000 tabs of ecstasy!!
that dog is gonna be off his face
this is sucriya. she accessorizes her catholic school uniform with a different scarf every day, which every teacher writes her up for. when my principal walked up to her and pointed to her scarf and said “what’s this?” she said
"sister, that’s fashion"
and just walked away
Reblog if one of your favorite characters has ever died.
Rest in peace, Mongo from Shrek 2. Your life was fleeting but you will never be forgotten.
this is hands down the wildest post on this entire site
A 14 year-old boy was recently raped at knife-point by a 20 year-old woman. When the story broke, it was primarily men who claimed he should have enjoyed it. It was feminists who validated his pain and spoke in support of him.
This is why we need feminism.
"but men get raped too-"
AND LOOK HOW YOU HANDLED THAT
you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing
You know, if I was a parent, it would be at this point that I’d rip the game from his hands, stash it in my backpack, and force him to enjoy history goddamnit. This vacation cost a lot and the game is only for the hotel and travel time.
imagine trying to force someone to think that stonehenge is fun
"look kid we’re a ridiculous distance from a bunch of broken rocks how could you possibly be bored this is totally an appropriate vacation spot for someone this age."
Ah, fuck. Shit like this always gets to me, the tired old technophobe spiel and maybe it’s because it’s so rampant in my field (I work in outdoor education), but it just starts feeling so goddamn derivative after a while, nouveau hipsters who think the world is ending because kids play too many video games.
But what we’re missing is that this kid’s parents bought him his SP and a copy of Leaf Green (the employee at the game store said it would be perfect for him) so that he would shut up on the plane ride over and not bother them in the hotel, imagining that as soon as they touched down the kid would put the thing down and appreciate all the castles and grass and cafes and operas and rocks and ~*~culture~*~, because that’s what culture and history are, right? A bunch of old rocks.
What they missed is this kid staying up way past his bedtime the night before their plane flew out on message boards and chat rooms trying to find out which is the best starter, finally settled on a Squirtle and named it Rocky, and right now while his parents are appreciating rocks he and Rocky have got to save the whole world from Team Rocket because he’s a hero and that’s what heroes do and he’s so invested in this story and this world, he thinks he might have found the place where Machops live, why should he care about a guide droning on about Romans and a bunch of old people taking pictures?
But please, go ahead and take the Gameboy from him, break it in half and remind him that you spent A LOT on this vacation, and HOW DARE HE. You will FORCE him to ENJOY his GODDAMN VACATION because it’s REAL LIFE. Wonder why he’s so upset, you’re the one who spent money on the thing? All he invested in it was time and emotion, and those things are definitely less important than money, when you’re eight. Wonder why he’s so disconnected from education, when you’ve managed to turn it into a punishment, a deprivation, a source of misery? Go on and repeat the tired old technophobe line until you’re red in the face, share it on Facebook and reblog it on Tumblr and retweet it on Twitter: nobody but you knows how to live ~*~REAL LIFE~*~ because we’re so busy exploring imaginary worlds.
Kids don’t just need to be taught when to use devices, we as their parents and guardians also need to be taught why they use devices. If a kid is more invested in Kanto than Stonehenge, why? How can we change our approach so kids ~*~appreciate real history~*~? And if not, can’t we just accept and appreciate that this kid will go back to the third grade, say “Yeah, I saw Stonehenge, it was neat, but who wants to trade a Haunter for my Machoke?”
the “i’m not afraid to verbally assault a middle schooler if they look at my kid the wrong way” haircut
I thought this was the “I would like to speak with a manager” haircut
Honestly??? UO stays fucking up
Guys, let me tell you about orcas.
Orca whales are mean motherfuckers. They cruise the oceans with only two things in mind: one, having sex, and two, eating every poor fuck they find out there that’s smaller than them. They are such badass motherfuckers that even great white motherfucking sharks don’t dare fuck with them, which in my books, places them above the sperm whale as Biggest Badass of the Ocean. And why don’t sharks bother them, you may wonder? Because orcas fucking learned that if you flip a shark over they go into a sort of coma, so now they do it intentionally so they can eat the motherfucking sharks. Not only that, but orcas have also learned how to hunt sperm whales and motherfucking sea birds.
The orca whale lives in a matriarchal pod. Every pod has unique hunting methods and whatnot, which is passed down from parent to offspring- these scary fuckers have formed civilizations. And what do they do for fun, apart from hopping around on the water’s surface and grinning like crazy mofos? They hunt for fun, going so far as to tip over ice floes and beach themselves just for the thrill of killing.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Orca whales are too damn cute and smiley looking to be heartless predators of the sea. Well, let me counter-argue with this photo:
THOSE ARE NOT THE TEETH OF A CREATURE THAT WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
Why has nobody mentioned what’s happening in the original gif?
This is how orcas hunt - or, it’s one of the ways they do. They have a ton of tricks and techniques they use to fuck up everything below them on the food chain, and that gif portrays my personal favorite.
Orcas will literally BEACH THEMSELVES to grab unsuspecting seals (or whatever else happens to be splashing around in the surf) and snarf them down like hot dogs. Yeah, that’s right. This is a 6-ton apex predator, crashing right out of the fucking water to snatch their prey right off the beach. Any other animal that size would get stuck there and die, but do you see that fucker? He fucking wriggles right back into the surf. An orca can get all the way up onto dry land and still manage to wiggle their way back into the water to fuck up more shit on another day. There is literally no other sea-dwelling creature of comparative size with that ability - most sea animals lack the muscular strength to move without enough water supporting their weight.
Orcas have also been known to eat moose. Yeah, that’s right. Fucking MOOSE.
You don’t fuck with orcas.